Synergy Happens

What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a tuba?  Synergy!  Synergy is what happens when you launch yourself heedlessly into life, without a care for who, what, when, or why.  It’s a creeping panic with a certainty of looming annihilation.  It’s like losing your grip to the beat of a John Phillip Souza march.  It’s the synergistic sizzle of the ordinary coming unhinged.  When you take a true risk  it’s not  a safe, tame, kiddie pool swim.  How much do you trust your instincts?  How well do you know who you really are? What really motivates you? Who will you become in the pressure cooker of the uncertain?  When you ask the horizon what it thinks of you, it might not give the answer that you want it to.  Sometimes the answer is more than you expected, and suddenly the gale that’s pounding your sails to shreds blows you round the head to a new shore.  Synergy unexpectedly morphs chaos into a strength that wasn’t there before, an opportunity that could otherwise never have been, or a revelation that was hidden underneath the shreds of the dreary ordinary.  So the question is not whether to take the risk - the question is if you can ride the edge of the horizon until synergy happens.

Horizon Log – Off the edge of the map

I overheard some people at work grousing because corporate has delayed any raises until July due to the economy.  My coworkers were not happy, to put it mildly.  I just had to smile and shake my head, and realize once more how living on the horizon is truly off the edge of the map.  My perspective is so different from my peers, it might as well be from a different universe. 

I’ve learned a lot since 2004 when I dumped my secure but uninspiring career as an admin and went back to school as a 40-something in search of a science degree.  The first is that security is a total illusion, and the second is that life is your script to write.  I’ve had a lot of adventures pursuing my dreams out here on the horizon, and several scary mishaps!  Thinking about my coworkers angst made me realize how very far I have come, and how much I have fought to stay out here on the edge.  After graduating in 2006 with my degree in environmental science I landed what I thought was the perfect job, only to find I was the last person hired before a huge round of layoffs began.  I avoided the axe for almost a year and then jumped ship for another company, thinking I had dodged the bullet, only to be laid off 8 months later.  Two jobs in two years fresh out of college at the beginning of a horrendous economic downturn – was the dream dead?  Should I just give up on being a scientist and go back to typing for a living?  Was I being stupid to think I could re-invent myself at 40 something?  A year later, I was still looking for work.  “Thanks for your resume, you’re very well qualified, but unfortunately we have a guy in the waiting room with 10 years of experience who will work for entry level wages”.  YIKES!  Depression is too short a word to describe the depth of anguish I was feeling.  My confidence was totally shattered.  My faith in my decision making was destroyed.  I was at the bottom of the heap despite the fact that I had graduated with honors in a hard science program.  My A in organic chemistry didn’t mean squat when there was no food in the fridge and there was no money for Christmas for my little boy.  It was time to give up, swallow the pain and go back to “safe and normal”  Back to working long hours at a crap job for a wage I couldn’t live on – but at least I wouldn’t be unemployed.  So I put away my beloved steel toed boots and pulled out those horrible heels and suits.  I was lucky to find a temp agency that gave me a shot, and found a $10/hr job with a short commute.  I tried not to think of what I’d lost, of the time I’d wasted in school and the tremendous debt I had put myself in to finish the degree.  I just focused on doing the best job I possibly could, and figuring out how to take joy in little things, like going bike riding with my son, or curling up in front of a good football game with a bowl of home made hot wings.  I made a promise to myself in that dark place – I would find a way to stay on the edge!  If one door closed, I’d find another one.  If I couldn’t be a scientist, there were other adventures to be had.  I would keep the cutlass sharp, and wait for the opportune moment.  Six difficult months later my phone rang.  It was a woman on the other side of the country who wanted to know if I was interested in a scientific job in California.  WAS I EVER!!!!  I spent a lot of time thinking about everything that could go wrong, but deep in my heart I knew I had to risk it all or I would always wonder what could have been.  I flew out for the interview, and came back home as an environmental scientist once more!  Elated is too small a word to contain the heart-bursting joy I felt at getting a second chance at my dream!  Bonus:  I was moving back to the ocean!  The one place in the universe where I feel at peace – on the beach.  I was moving to the land of wind and waves!

So the coworkers heard me laughing at them for complaining about having their raises delayed, and labeled me an “optimist” when I explained my reaction.  Me, an optimist?  Now that’s a new one.

So beware, all you denizens of the almost-possible:  get too close to the sharp, unforgiving edge of the horizon and you may just see light glinting off the steel!

Horizon Log, California Coast!

The weather on the horizon is sunny and hot, with a chance of gale force winds! Yes, folks… those of you that live on the edge know exactly what I mean. When you live life to the fullest, take the bull by the horns, go for it, (or whatever your punchline is) you make your own weather!
In the days to come I hope to put my thoughts on paper regularly, and create a compilation of observations and accounts that will describe my horizon experience. For today, it’s enough that I just got started! Sometimes it only takes a baby step to get up on the edge… staying there now, that’s a different story.. for another day!